🔭 The Present Perspective Newsletter

📖 Hurt people hurt people… But there’s another ending

Most of us know the feeling of reacting before we’ve had time to think. A sharp word, a sudden withdrawal, a defensive edge in our voice. In the moment it can feel justified, even necessary. Yet when we pause and look more closely, these reactions often have a deeper origin.

Beneath many of our strongest reactions lies something more vulnerable. Hurt. Fear. A part of us trying to protect itself.

Understanding this can change everything. Because when we begin to see the hurt beneath our reactions, we also begin to discover the possibility of healing.

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“Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

Dear Reader

Hurt people hurt people

“Hurt people hurt people,” or so the saying goes. There is a lot of truth in this, and we can observe it in our own lives, both within ourselves and in those around us.

As sensitive animals, we do not want to feel hurt, whether mental, emotional or physical. Hurt is a signal that something may be wrong. At a biological and evolutionary level, it is an indicator that our survival could be at risk, that we may be under threat.

From this perspective, it makes sense that we are sensitive to pain. When we feel it, we are motivated to act and remove the threat.

The survival reactions

For most of us, this action shows up as the familiar fight, flight or freeze reaction.

We attack back, we run away, or we freeze in the hope that the danger will pass.

By attacking, we may fend off the threat. Running away can mean removing ourselves from a situation that feels dangerous. Freezing may mean not taking action or making a decision, waiting for the feeling of threat to subside.

These reactions are universal. In fact, they are healthy. They exist to keep us alive and to protect us from harm.

When protection becomes pattern

Over time, however, if we experience a lot of emotional hurt, or particularly deep hurt, these responses can become hard-wired. What began as protection can become a rigid pattern that ends up causing harm to ourselves or to others.

Often these patterns show up most clearly in our relationships.

Fight can appear as physical, mental or emotional aggression, sometimes even passive aggression.

Flight can take the form of emotional or physical withdrawal. It may also show up as escaping into addictive or unhealthy behaviours.

Freeze can become a kind of emotional numbing, where we lose the ability to connect either with ourselves or with others.

Nothing is inherently wrong with these patterns. They originally developed to protect us. But without self-awareness and emotional intelligence, they can begin to create more hurt rather than reduce it.

From hurt to healing

Mindfulness helps us develop the self-awareness and emotional intelligence needed to notice these patterns in our lives.

We begin to see the hurt that may be triggering our reactions. And in many cases, we can start to offer ourselves the safety, care and understanding that the hurting part of us needs.

In a sense, we offer that part of ourselves a relationship.

When the hurt within us feels seen, heard and cared for, something begins to soften. Healing becomes possible.

Reclaiming our agency

As this healing occurs, our reactivity naturally lessens.

We feel less threatened by the challenges of life and relationships. And in that space, something important becomes available to us. We are no longer simply reacting. We can respond.

With that comes agency. We gain the capacity to choose a path that does not create more hurt for ourselves or for others.

As much as hurt people hurt people, healed people heal people.

An inside job

And all of this begins with us.

Or to finish with another well-known phrase: authentic happiness is an inside job.

​Queenstown, New Zealand, 6-Day Meditation and Mindfulness Retreat — Small Group Immersion in Mountain Surroundings​
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​Friday, 29 May – Wednesday 3 June 2026​

A carefully curated six‑day immersion in mindfulness, movement and mountain landscapes—designed for people who value depth, structure and intentional practice.

Limited to 10 participants, this programme blends our grounded, nature‑based style with a refined flow inspired by Queenstown’s majestic mountains and beautiful Lake Wakatipu.

This exclusive retreat, led by two highly-experienced teachers is for those who value nature, simplicity and evidence‑based mindfulness practices, and who appreciate an intentional, well‑paced journey of transformation.

This retreat includes...

• Daily meditation and mindfulness practice
• Guided mountain and lakeside walks
• Gentle movement and breathwork
• Periods of nourishing silence
• Relaxing spa pool available all day and night
• Community connection and shared meals
• Personalised individual interview with one teacher
• Time for rest, reflection and integration
• Incredible stargazing when conditions are right
• Detoxifying sauna

This is an invitation to slow down, breathe and pay attention—not in a forced way but in a way that brings you home to yourself.

The Location: Ora Retreat, Queenstown

Ora Retreat is a boutique mountain home overlooking Lake Wakatipu —peaceful, welcoming and surrounded by forested hills and alpine views. Guests consistently praise its warmth, comfort and the sense of being “at home” in nature.

You’ll stay in cozy, thoughtfully designed rooms, enjoy quiet mornings on the deck, and unwind each evening with mountain air and the glow of the fire. Hiking trails begin right from the property, and Queenstown’s dramatic landscape frames each day.

​Book Your Place Now​

Teachers: Kovido Maddick and Eric Chagnon
​Location: Ora Retreat, 26 Arawata Terrace, Sunshine Bay, Queenstown, New Zealand
​Dates: Friday, 29 May – Wednesday, 3 June 2026​
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💗 The Essence of Self-Love, Premium 6-Day Silent Meditation Retreat, Byron Bay, NSW​ — May and June 2026​

The Essence of Self-Love Retreats at Sangsurya, Byron Bay are the premium retreat offerings of 2026.
​
These retreats feature incredible artisan accommodation, a stunning retreat centre setting and an on-site chef, Todd Stream-Cameron providing world-class meals.
​
​Book your place now with a $500 deposit.​
​

Teachers: Karl Baker and Stephen Archer
​Location: Sangsurya Retreat Centre, Byron Bay, NSW
​Dates:
​May Retreat: Friday, 8 May – Wednesday, 13 May 2026
​— 2 PLACES LEFT​
​June Retreat: Friday, 19 June – Wednesday, 24 June 2026
​— 2 PLACES LEFT​
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💗 The Ease of Being, Luxury Weekend Retreat, Noosa, 29–31 May​ 2026 ​

When was the last time you truly stopped, breathed, and let yourself simply be?

This premium three-day meditation retreat offers a rare opportunity to step away from the noise and into a world of effortless relaxation, deep presence and quiet luxury.

“The Ease of Being retreat gave me the gift of a weekend filled with peace and calm – time out in a beautiful, natural setting away from the demands of everyday life.” — Christine Donnelly​
​
​Book your place now with a $250 deposit.​

​
Teacher: Karl Baker
​Location: Senses Beach Rd Holiday Homes, Noosa North Shore
​Date: Friday, 29 May – Sunday, 31 May
​Price: From $895 all inclusive
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​Get one on one, private Mindfulness Coaching​

One on one work with a certified mindfulness teacher can assist with anxiety reduction, improving sleep, reducing over-thinking, improving relationships and making mindfulness a habit in your life.
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​Find a certified mindfulness teacher to work with now.

🧘‍♀️ Mini Mindfulness Exercise: Meeting Reactions with Kindness

Duration: 5–15 minutes

Step 1 — Arrive (1–2 minutes)

Sit comfortably.

Allow your body to settle.
Let your breathing return to its natural rhythm.

You do not need to control the breath. Simply notice it.

Feel the body sitting here.

Step 2 — Recall a Recent Reaction (2–3 minutes)

Gently bring to mind a recent situation where you reacted strongly.

Perhaps you felt defensive.
Perhaps you withdrew.
Perhaps irritation or anger appeared.

Choose something mild or moderate. This is not about overwhelming yourself.

Simply notice the memory.

Step 3 — Notice the Body (2–3 minutes)

Now bring attention to the body.

Ask quietly:

What happens in my body when I remember this moment?

You may notice:

• tightness
• heat
• contraction
• heaviness

Allow whatever sensations are present.

Nothing needs to change.

Step 4 — Sense the Hurt Beneath the Reaction (3–4 minutes)

Now gently ask:

What was this reaction trying to protect?

Often beneath a reaction there may be:

• hurt
• fear
• feeling unseen
• feeling unsafe

You do not need to analyse this.

Just notice if something vulnerable is present.

Step 5 — Offer Kindness (2–3 minutes)

Imagine offering a simple message to the part of you that reacted.

Something like:

It's okay.​
​I see that this was painful.​
​You were trying to protect me.

Let the body receive these words.

Allow the breath to soften.

Step 6 — Return (1 minute)

Let the memory fade.

Feel the body again sitting here.

Notice the breath.

And gently continue with your day.

Purpose:​
This practice helps us recognise the moment when a reactive pattern is beginning (fight, flight, or freeze) and respond with awareness rather than automatic behaviour. It cultivates a gentle relationship with the hurt that may be underneath our reactions.

🏢 Workplace Mindfulness Training

Nationwide in-person or online mindfulness training for workplaces.
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– Build team mental and emotional resilience.
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🤔 Mindful Check-In. Vote to See Results.

Why this reflection matters

Strong reactions are a natural part of being human. They often arise quickly, before we have time to think.

But within each moment of awareness lies an opportunity.

When we pause and recognise what is happening inside us, we create space. In that space, we are no longer completely driven by old patterns or automatic reactions.

Instead, we begin to reconnect with something steadier within ourselves. From there, it becomes easier to respond with clarity, care and wisdom.

Each time we notice and gently return to awareness, we strengthen our capacity to meet life with greater balance and understanding. Over time, these small moments of awareness can quietly transform the way we relate to ourselves and the people around us.

📝 Mindful Meme of The Week

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