It’s Not Your Job to Be in Control—It Never Was

"Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be. Let your body relax and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting."
– Jack Kornfield

Dear Reader

Unfortunately, we can sometimes turn mindfulness into an unnecessarily austere practice, which robs it of its joy and effectiveness.

You can become rigid about what constitutes good mindfulness practice—or even right mindfulness practice.

This fuels myths like the idea that mindfulness and meditation require controlling or stopping thoughts.

Neither of which is necessary, possible, or helpful.

We are often so desperate for a cure, a fix, or an answer to our personal challenges that when we practise mindfulness—meeting reality and present-moment experience just as they are—we assume this can't be it.

There’s resistance to the discomfort of life: challenging thoughts, difficult relationships, financial stress, health worries, work pressures.

Surely there must be something better in the future, something beyond this!

We assume we’re not doing it right, and if we could just improve our mindfulness or meditation, the discomfort of our challenges would stop.

Trying to get it right though is a hall of mirrors—there is no way out. It is simply a continuation of our habitual tendency to look elsewhere for relief—to strive for control, to try and get things right.

Mindfulness and meditation confound this conditioning.

There is no way to get them right—just as there is no way to get them wrong.

And, by extension, we come to see that there is no way to get life right or wrong either. Life unfolds according to its own agenda. In many ways, we are simply along for the ride. We are not in control.

The paradox of mindfulness is that by meeting life exactly as it is—without trying to fix, fight, or escape it—we have the opportunity to let go. To surrender. To allow. And in that deep allowance, we find something unexpected: peace.

We don't get this peace through an answer, fix, or cure. We get it by realising there is no answer—because we are not a problem to be solved; that there is nothing to fix—because we are not broken; that we don't need to be cured.

At first though, the realisation we are largely not in control of our life can feel scary and dangerous. If we’re not in control, what does that mean for us—how can we stay safe?

But as we allow and feel into this truth more, it brings a profound relief.

The weight of endlessly trying to get life "right" is lifted.

The exhausting effort of managing, predicting, and perfecting everything—including ourselves—can start to fall away.

And in its place, a buoyant trust emerges—a trust that life is carrying us, whether we struggle against it or not.

We recognise that we spend so much time gripping tightly to something that was never ours to hold; that we took ourselves, our struggles, and our efforts so seriously—when all along, life was simply unfolding as it always does.

We start to see through these old illusions, the way we mistook control for security, and how life itself has a way of humbling us over and over again.

Yet in this humbling, there is release and relief. We have something else we can resort to—this breath. This moment. This heartbeat.

And perhaps the greatest relief of all? The remembering that it was never our job to be in control in the first place.

This Week's Mindfulness Plus Online and Live Workshops

Befriending Anxiety: Wednesday, 12 February 6.30pm AEDT

Loosen the grip that anxiety has on your life and even see it as a friend that's there to help and guide you.

Facilitator: Nat Mallia
Price: $20 (standard ticket). $35 (VIP ticket, includes recording).

BOOK NOW

Essential Self-Care Skills — from Overwhelmed to Overjoyed: Thursday, 13 February 6.30pm AEDT

Learn how to transform from feeling overwhelmed to experiencing joy through essential self-care skills.

Facilitator: Michelle Eckles
Price: $20 (standard ticket). $35 (VIP ticket, includes recording).

BOOK NOW

In-Person Intro to Mindfulness Courses and Workshops

Reduce anxiety, improve sleep and increase self-acceptance with mindfulness.

These Intro to Mindfulness and Meditation courses and workshops are designed for absolute beginners and are offered by certified Mindfulness Works mindfulness teachers.