🔭 The Present Perspective Newsletter

⚓ When life feels heavy — lighten your load

Sometimes life can feel heavy. We may feel trapped by circumstances, weighed down by uncertainty, or caught in experiences we never asked for.
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Yet mindfulness offers a surprising paradox: perhaps freedom does not come from escaping these moments, but from meeting them with compassion, courage and wisdom.

"I am 83 years old, I will die. The cause of death is birth. The only real things in life are food and love, in that order, just like our little dog Ruby. I really believe this and the source of art is love. I love life." — David Hockney
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Dear Reader

We often hear expressions such as having the “weight of the world” on our shoulders. Other phrases convey a similar experience: feeling trapped, the walls closing in, heaviness or being bogged down.

During these times, life can feel constricted and burdensome. This is a deeply human experience which is perhaps why these expressions are so universal. From a mindfulness perspective, there is nothing wrong with these states or any other mental or emotional experience. The nature of being human means that, at times, we will feel weighed down, trapped or caught.

Yet mindfulness also promises freedom. It speaks of unburdening, of relief, of release from suffering. How do we reconcile these seemingly contradictory perspectives: that nothing is wrong with our experience and yet there may also be freedom from it?

The key to this paradox is understanding that mindfulness is always a turning towards, never a turning away. It is an encounter with the truth of our experience and therefore with ourselves, just as we are, right here and right now.

This means that when we experience the heaviness of life or feelings of being trapped, we meet ourselves in that experience with kind attention. In doing so, we offer ourselves reassurance that although we may feel trapped and may not like the feeling, we are still OK.

When we turn towards ourselves in this way, we may discover the same compassion, care and understanding that we so readily offer others during difficult times.

Once the truth of the present moment has been acknowledged and felt, and there is some degree of safety and reassurance, we can begin to sense what response may be helpful.

There are no rules around this. The response required will depend on the situation itself and our unique experience of life. Some responses that may arise include:

Allowance and acceptance At times, we may recognise that some aspects of life cannot be changed. The loss of a loved one, our own mortality, the ending of a relationship, financial hardship or past decisions that now feel like mistakes. In these moments, freedom may come not from changing reality but from ceasing our struggle against it.

Compassion and care We may find ourselves turning towards our own suffering with warmth, understanding and kindness, much as we would for someone we deeply care about. Sometimes the burden lessens not because circumstances change but because we feel loved and cared for, in difficult situations. In this case we offer that love and care to ourselves.

Courage and strength At other times, we may discover choices and possibilities that were previously hidden from view. A shift in perspective can occur where our wellbeing, safety and happiness begin to outweigh the fear of change. We take a deep breath, step forward and act.

In all of these responses, there is often a lessening of the burden. We may come to accept the inevitability of certain situations. We may meet ourselves with greater compassion. Or we may discover new choices and possibilities that allow us to reshape our circumstances.

Mindfulness is the art of navigating life’s difficult moments wisely. The feelings of heaviness, constriction and being trapped are not signs that something has gone wrong. Rather, they are experiences to be met with awareness, kindness and honesty.

Through this process, we begin to realise that much of our suffering comes not from the situation itself, but from our resistance to the situation. Fighting our minds, our emotions or our life often creates the very sense of heaviness we long to escape.

This insight can be deeply freeing. It allows us to respond to life differently.

And so the paradox reveals itself: there is nothing wrong with any mental or emotional state we encounter, yet freedom is possible. The freedom and relief we seek often arise through turning towards these experiences with compassion and care.

In doing so, we release ourselves from the burden of life needing to be different. And when change is possible, we create the conditions for wise action that supports our wellbeing and allows us to move forward.

Perhaps this paradox is captured best in words inspired by the Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr and used widely in recovery communities:

“May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

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🧘‍♀️ Mini Mindfulness Exercise: Putting Down the Heavy Load (7–10 Minutes)

We often carry burdens we cannot see: worries, regrets, responsibilities, expectations. This practice invites us to notice what we're carrying and gently put some of it down, even if only for a few moments.

Step 1: Arrive (1 minute)​
Sit comfortably and allow your eyes to close or soften. Take three slow breaths, not to change anything but simply to arrive.

Step 2: Notice the Weight (2 minutes)​
Ask yourself gently:

"What feels heavy in my life right now?"

There is no need to analyse or solve anything. Simply notice what arises. It may be a thought, emotion, situation, relationship or uncertainty.

Where do you feel this heaviness in the body? Is it in the chest? The shoulders? The stomach?

Allow yourself to simply notice.

Step 3: Offer Kindness (2 minutes)​
Place a hand on your heart, chest or another comforting place.

Silently say:

"This is hard right now."​
​"May I meet this experience with kindness."​
​"May I remember that I am more than what I am carrying."

Step 4: Put Down the Heavy Load (2 minutes)​
Imagine placing this burden into a backpack and gently setting it beside you.

You are not getting rid of it. You are simply discovering that for this moment, you do not need to carry it.

Notice how your body feels when the load is set down, even briefly.

Step 5: Return (1 minute)​
Take a final breath and gently return to your day, carrying only what truly needs to be carried.

Why this helps

Our nervous systems often treat emotional burdens as though they require constant carrying and vigilance. Briefly stepping out of identification with our problems can create a sense of safety and perspective. This doesn't remove life's challenges, but it can reduce the additional suffering created by carrying them alone or believing we must hold them every moment.

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Why this reflection matters
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We all carry burdens from time to time. Noticing what genuinely supports us can help us respond more wisely when life feels heavy again.

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